Vom vs. Rosebush: Rosebush 1, Vom 0.

[vom_marlowe]

So we're having the painters come to do the trim on the places we can't reach.  That means that they must be able to, you know, actually reach the trim.

The people who owned the house before us were utterly clueless.  Examples include but are not limited to: spilling a bucket of paint on the floor and leaving it there to dry, jerry-rigging their own electrical system in a way that made the electrician scream and leap backwards, hammering a plank of wood on the floor (no, I don't know why), putting bright fish wallpaper boarders on poop brown paint, and planting a black walnut, of all things, six inches from the house's foundation. 

Uh, yeah.

So. 

They also allowed a Dr Huey rose bush to grow to a height of at least eight feet tall and about four, no six, feet wide.  That sucker is HUGE.  It's also scraping against the house, which is a major house no-no. 

I love roses, don't get me wrong.  But I love my house's siding more.  I consulted a friend about pruning it, and she said I probably couldn't kill it if I tried, and that Dr Huey was notorious for being, well, not just hardy but indifferent to rain, sleet, hail, sun, and the occasional act of god. 

So last night I went out, wearing rose bush gloves (they're more like gauntlets, to be honest) and a chambray shirt to cover my arms, and did my best to prune it. 

I am now limping, scratched, covered in bandaids, sore, and grumpy.  There's an enormous pile of rose wood that refused to fit into the yard waste bags without poking me in the face, so it's just going to have to be taken away in bundles. 

The damn rose: caught my hair, poked through heavy leather gloves to gouge the back of my hand, ow ow ow, bruised my thigh, scratched my scalp, pricked my wrist (through leather AND canvas, the fiend), and generally caused havoc.  The clothes I was wearing are a dead loss.

Did I mention that it was 104 out?  And that was when it was cooling off.

I staggered back inside to lick my wounds and take a cold bath.  Except it's been so hot that we no longer have cold water.  It's luke warm, even on pure cold. 

But the painters can get to the house.  Which is something.  I guess.

*wanders off to apply more disinfectant to yet another thorn wound*

Comments

[heavenscalyx]

Gaaah. Your DPOs (Dear/Damned Previous Owners) sound like ours.

Roses are masochists, in my experience. They love it when you're rough on them. Prune them, cut them back, they'll flourish.

Of course, as your experience attests, they are also sadists. It's hard to negotiate a consensual S&M relationship with a plant, alas.

[vom_marlowe]

*dies*

Oh, that is the awesomest comment ever. And so true.

[daedala]

Clearly I need to negotiate a safeword with the roses.

My house came with some lovely, fragile-looking, but surprisingly hardy little roses that I have taken a Darwinian attitude towards. I'm not doing much of anything with them, but they've come back two years in a row. If they eventually die, I will await the zombie Dr. Huey.

[heavenscalyx]

Our house came with an older, undistinguished pink rose that grew from the rootstock of something our DPOs planted long ago in the depths of the 70s or 80s. It is amazingly hardy, spreads like crazy, and about the only thing it has failed to defeat is a sprawling juniper plant growing up in its midst.

We brought with us a rugosa rose that we'd originally dug up on Nantucket, but that had flourished in our garden in town. I think I may have left half the root at our apartment -- which means that yard is now overrun with rugosa -- but 8 years later, our rugosa is about 7 feet tall, and continues to attempt to grab passerby to draw them into its pyramid scheme unless my wife goes at it 2-3 times a summer with shears.

My only lazy rose-grower's advice: never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever plant a "Carolina" rose. It is a mad weed that doesn't even bloom prettily. It is evil and is trying to take over our side yard, in competition with the rugosa, which is politely staying in its corner!

[daedala]

I'm in Zone 4, so I'd only plant a Carolina if I really hated it and wanted to kill some. :)

[heavenscalyx]

We're in Zone 5 and it's going mad, MAD I TELL YOU.

Or, er, maybe it's just driving ME mad.

[vom_marlowe]

Have you heard of Earth-kind Texas tested roses? They basically plant em and wait to see if they croak. Or not.

I bought a couple of what I hope will be small, nicely behaved English-smelling roses for my back garden. Not entirely earth-kind tested, but listed as hardy. They're getting fertilizer their first year and after that those puppies are On Their Own.

[daedala]

I'm in zone 4! I don't believe in anything other than rugosas, really, though I know there are other roses that are hardy. I planted a Hansa rose in the front, and the house came with some kind of random rugosa that I think is a Grootendorst, but the weird ones along the fence are not rugosas, so I don't believe in them.

I'll make J take some pictures of them and post for Internet Identification. they look like they maybe need to be pruned.

[vom_marlowe]

The place I was thinking of, http://www.chambleeroses.com/
also sells Dr Griffith Buck roses, which were basically the same idea, except bred for Iowa winters.

One of the ones I got is a Buck--uh, I forget the name now. But it's pretty!

And I can never remember all the types of roses--rugosas and bourbons and teas, oh my! I just picked the ones that were listed as basically unkillable in zone 5, smelled awesome, and were pale peach (my favorite rose colors).